the bad old days

Yesterday as we were in MoLo's office, Corky mentioned the positive changes that have happened in school since MoLo has come, and it's the truth. When I first came, we were teaching literacy in a totally back-asswards way that made no sense, especially not to a brand new teacher with no teaching experience and no one explaining WTF she was supposed to be doing all day. Not only that, but P.S. 00 was absolutely ruled by a culture of fear - I can attest to this. MoLo said that the legacy left by the previous assistant principal was such that teachers would come to the post-observation meetings and start crying, before she's ever even said anything.

My first post-ob made me cry, too, though I think I managed to hold it together in front of the administration, but I did break down in front of the kids (I clearly remember little Johnny saying, "Mr. P made you cry?"). Peeves had forgotten he'd hired me, thinking I was a long-term sub. By the time he realized I was on the payroll and he had to come and do an observation, the school year was almost over and I was spending the bulk of each day peeling small children off the walls and going home each day to have daily mental meltdowns, with many a tearful phone call to my aunt to save my sanity ... not a whole lot of teaching going on. I'm be the first to admit, I was being eaten alive.

And when I got into "His" office to discuss what he had observed (after setting foot in my classroom for the first time in the six months I'd been there), I was told that my students were the lowest class in the entire school and why was that? and he took me to a string of kindergarten classrooms and said, "Look! Even KINdergarteners can sit still for Reader's Workshop," and led me from kindergarten to kindergarten of quiet, well-behaved children, as if to say, what's the matter with you? It's really simple, everyone else can do it, why can't you?... Why is your room such a zoo?

I have never before or since felt so small or worthless or such like a failure.

A long litany of shortcomings of my lesson and my classroom management were discussed. But what was never said was HOW to make them sit still, WHAT I had to DO to be able to teach.

But MoLo came, and quietly, slowly, things started changing.

To be continued...