Momentous things are happening.
For all the shit that your 'twenties' get -- for being tumultuous and uncertain and full of ups and downs -- important stuff happens, too. Like Jafa and Court just got engaged this weekend. Their foster child could be as close as one phone call away. Corky's off to new and unknown worlds. I handed in my thesis and presented it on Thursday! (My professor said I did a great job) Everybody's breaking up, having babies, getting married, getting cancer, getting degrees, getting new jobs and new apartments and promotions and getting drunk on weekends.
Put all that together, and you have yourself a life.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
the bad old days
Yesterday as we were in MoLo's office, Corky mentioned the positive changes that have happened in school since MoLo has come, and it's the truth. When I first came, we were teaching literacy in a totally back-asswards way that made no sense, especially not to a brand new teacher with no teaching experience and no one explaining WTF she was supposed to be doing all day. Not only that, but P.S. 00 was absolutely ruled by a culture of fear - I can attest to this. MoLo said that the legacy left by the previous assistant principal was such that teachers would come to the post-observation meetings and start crying, before she's ever even said anything.
My first post-ob made me cry, too, though I think I managed to hold it together in front of the administration, but I did break down in front of the kids (I clearly remember little Johnny saying, "Mr. P made you cry?"). Peeves had forgotten he'd hired me, thinking I was a long-term sub. By the time he realized I was on the payroll and he had to come and do an observation, the school year was almost over and I was spending the bulk of each day peeling small children off the walls and going home each day to have daily mental meltdowns, with many a tearful phone call to my aunt to save my sanity ... not a whole lot of teaching going on. I'm be the first to admit, I was being eaten alive.
And when I got into "His" office to discuss what he had observed (after setting foot in my classroom for the first time in the six months I'd been there), I was told that my students were the lowest class in the entire school and why was that? and he took me to a string of kindergarten classrooms and said, "Look! Even KINdergarteners can sit still for Reader's Workshop," and led me from kindergarten to kindergarten of quiet, well-behaved children, as if to say, what's the matter with you? It's really simple, everyone else can do it, why can't you?... Why is your room such a zoo?
I have never before or since felt so small or worthless or such like a failure.
A long litany of shortcomings of my lesson and my classroom management were discussed. But what was never said was HOW to make them sit still, WHAT I had to DO to be able to teach.
But MoLo came, and quietly, slowly, things started changing.
To be continued...
My first post-ob made me cry, too, though I think I managed to hold it together in front of the administration, but I did break down in front of the kids (I clearly remember little Johnny saying, "Mr. P made you cry?"). Peeves had forgotten he'd hired me, thinking I was a long-term sub. By the time he realized I was on the payroll and he had to come and do an observation, the school year was almost over and I was spending the bulk of each day peeling small children off the walls and going home each day to have daily mental meltdowns, with many a tearful phone call to my aunt to save my sanity ... not a whole lot of teaching going on. I'm be the first to admit, I was being eaten alive.
And when I got into "His" office to discuss what he had observed (after setting foot in my classroom for the first time in the six months I'd been there), I was told that my students were the lowest class in the entire school and why was that? and he took me to a string of kindergarten classrooms and said, "Look! Even KINdergarteners can sit still for Reader's Workshop," and led me from kindergarten to kindergarten of quiet, well-behaved children, as if to say, what's the matter with you? It's really simple, everyone else can do it, why can't you?... Why is your room such a zoo?
I have never before or since felt so small or worthless or such like a failure.
A long litany of shortcomings of my lesson and my classroom management were discussed. But what was never said was HOW to make them sit still, WHAT I had to DO to be able to teach.
But MoLo came, and quietly, slowly, things started changing.
To be continued...
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
poaching
Today Corky officially gave notice that she will not be returning to PS 00 next year. And even though I knew, and I'm happy for her new adventures and plan to go visit her in whatever far-away land she ends up in, and even though I had been steeling myself for it, I was taken aback by what a hole the official-ness of it left in my heart.
It's a discussion I've had over and over, with never a satisfying conclusion: Why does the institution of education drive out the innovators, the idea people, the movers and shakers, the ones with drive and ambition?... The average teaching career of a Teaching Fellow is I think three years or so?
What really needs to happen in education will not happen over the course of a couple years, or maybe even decades... what we DON'T need is quick-fixes, band-aids or more flash-in-the-pan snake oil remedies. We need a long term, well thought-out, planned, organized effort to pull education (probably kicking and screaming, in many cases) into the 21st century.. What that entails will entirely be determined by those people who step up to the plate.
And I'm really happy to report that some of those people are at P.S. 00 right now. MoLo is one of them.
MoLo is our nickname for the newest (and by my estimation, most effective) administrator at P.S. 00. This year she decided to paint the blank, barren walls of the fourth floor. She rallied a group of artistically inclined volunteers, organized Saturday painting sessions, and I think paid for all the paint out of pocket. The result is AWESOME -- Frog and Toad, Wild Things, Clifford and other story book characters now adorn the walls of her academy, and I think it is just such and expression of love and empowerment, and an expression of who MoLo really is.
to be continued...
It's a discussion I've had over and over, with never a satisfying conclusion: Why does the institution of education drive out the innovators, the idea people, the movers and shakers, the ones with drive and ambition?... The average teaching career of a Teaching Fellow is I think three years or so?
What really needs to happen in education will not happen over the course of a couple years, or maybe even decades... what we DON'T need is quick-fixes, band-aids or more flash-in-the-pan snake oil remedies. We need a long term, well thought-out, planned, organized effort to pull education (probably kicking and screaming, in many cases) into the 21st century.. What that entails will entirely be determined by those people who step up to the plate.
And I'm really happy to report that some of those people are at P.S. 00 right now. MoLo is one of them.
MoLo is our nickname for the newest (and by my estimation, most effective) administrator at P.S. 00. This year she decided to paint the blank, barren walls of the fourth floor. She rallied a group of artistically inclined volunteers, organized Saturday painting sessions, and I think paid for all the paint out of pocket. The result is AWESOME -- Frog and Toad, Wild Things, Clifford and other story book characters now adorn the walls of her academy, and I think it is just such and expression of love and empowerment, and an expression of who MoLo really is.
to be continued...
Monday, May 10, 2010
budget buzz
I guess it's not really news to anyone, but budgets are a problem.
The buzz around the DOE of late has been around the hiring freeze (no new hires, no exceptions) and the threat of massive budget cuts, potentially resulting in teacher cuts. Staff are all aflutter. Especially new teachers, since everything involving the teachers' union is based on seniority, tenure and years in the system.
However, I have it on good authority that our jobs at P.S. 00 are, to an extent, safe. I heard through the grapevine that the Big Kahuna has said that he will cut absolutely every other thing before he lets go of any teaching position. (First thing to go? $100,000 staff development from Columbia Teacher's College, which I have always suspected was the teensiest bit of a rip off. 'Til now I just never knew the jaw-droppingly large dollar value of their helpful hints.) We may have to teach without supplies next year, but teach we will.
My nameless source of inner sanctum conference table gossip also gave a nice heart-warming shout-out to the hard-working, green-tinged teachers of my untenured ilk. She said if you look around the school, some of our best teachers are our newer teachers, and if we lose them, who do we have left? (Give it up for newbies! Rough around the edges and worn through to the bone, but doin' their darndest with whatever they've got) And, if any current teachers leave, they will have to throw the out-of-classroom teachers back into the classroom...Which is kind of like pulling 'em off the bench and putting them back in the game. With exceptions, "Out-of-classroom" positions are kind of like a gated community for 'active adults...' not exactly retirement, but not exactly the real world either.
So, you might wonder, as I did: With all these budget cuts and the global economy gone white water rafting down the porcelain throne, why was it raining Elmos (the highly coveted "document cameras") and brand new rugs down on P.S. 00 a few weeks back?
Well, regardless of anything else I've said of our inimitable Principal Peeves, he his nothing if not a shrewd business man. Shrewd and cutthroat.
So how it works is (according to my understanding) the school projects its budget for the coming year based on how many students it expects to have enrolled, and Uncle Sam dispenses monies accordingly. Apparently, we had over-projected this year, and Uncle Sam was going to shake us down for the extra undeserved shekels, but Peeves fought tooth and nail, hired lawyers, went all out protecting the money, doubtless using his pit bull-like ferocity against the keepers of the coffers, and he won! (Not surprising, I've seen him when he's mad.) But the catch was, we had to spend it by a certain deadline (which I'd peg as about three weeks ago, when the Elmo Fairy came around)
So there was a a major spending frenzy/forced shopping spree.., like, what can we buy, RIGHT NOW!? AP's were told they had till the end of the week to figure out how to spend the money. (Hence Candy asking me if there's anything else I needed for my classroom) The budget had to be cleaned out - we spent every last dime, to prove that yes, we really needed the money. Because if there's any unspent change left in the couch cushions at the end of the year, they take that as an indication that we didn't really need that money in the first place..._
SO yeah.. perhaps not the most ordered, planned out of educational spending... but if it's a choice between a benevolent rain of new tech toys, or less money available for next year, the choice seems obvious. Peevey don't mess around where money is concerned.
The buzz around the DOE of late has been around the hiring freeze (no new hires, no exceptions) and the threat of massive budget cuts, potentially resulting in teacher cuts. Staff are all aflutter. Especially new teachers, since everything involving the teachers' union is based on seniority, tenure and years in the system.
However, I have it on good authority that our jobs at P.S. 00 are, to an extent, safe. I heard through the grapevine that the Big Kahuna has said that he will cut absolutely every other thing before he lets go of any teaching position. (First thing to go? $100,000 staff development from Columbia Teacher's College, which I have always suspected was the teensiest bit of a rip off. 'Til now I just never knew the jaw-droppingly large dollar value of their helpful hints.) We may have to teach without supplies next year, but teach we will.
My nameless source of inner sanctum conference table gossip also gave a nice heart-warming shout-out to the hard-working, green-tinged teachers of my untenured ilk. She said if you look around the school, some of our best teachers are our newer teachers, and if we lose them, who do we have left? (Give it up for newbies! Rough around the edges and worn through to the bone, but doin' their darndest with whatever they've got) And, if any current teachers leave, they will have to throw the out-of-classroom teachers back into the classroom...Which is kind of like pulling 'em off the bench and putting them back in the game. With exceptions, "Out-of-classroom" positions are kind of like a gated community for 'active adults...' not exactly retirement, but not exactly the real world either.
So, you might wonder, as I did: With all these budget cuts and the global economy gone white water rafting down the porcelain throne, why was it raining Elmos (the highly coveted "document cameras") and brand new rugs down on P.S. 00 a few weeks back?
Well, regardless of anything else I've said of our inimitable Principal Peeves, he his nothing if not a shrewd business man. Shrewd and cutthroat.
So how it works is (according to my understanding) the school projects its budget for the coming year based on how many students it expects to have enrolled, and Uncle Sam dispenses monies accordingly. Apparently, we had over-projected this year, and Uncle Sam was going to shake us down for the extra undeserved shekels, but Peeves fought tooth and nail, hired lawyers, went all out protecting the money, doubtless using his pit bull-like ferocity against the keepers of the coffers, and he won! (Not surprising, I've seen him when he's mad.) But the catch was, we had to spend it by a certain deadline (which I'd peg as about three weeks ago, when the Elmo Fairy came around)
So there was a a major spending frenzy/forced shopping spree.., like, what can we buy, RIGHT NOW!? AP's were told they had till the end of the week to figure out how to spend the money. (Hence Candy asking me if there's anything else I needed for my classroom) The budget had to be cleaned out - we spent every last dime, to prove that yes, we really needed the money. Because if there's any unspent change left in the couch cushions at the end of the year, they take that as an indication that we didn't really need that money in the first place..._
SO yeah.. perhaps not the most ordered, planned out of educational spending... but if it's a choice between a benevolent rain of new tech toys, or less money available for next year, the choice seems obvious. Peevey don't mess around where money is concerned.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Cat's Cradle
After the math test I taught the kids how to play Cat’s Cradle. Their minds were appropriately, and adorably, blown.
I’ve been weed-whacking my way through Freire’s Pedagogy of Freedom bit by bit. It occurred to me that the impromptu Cat’s Cradle workshop, although it had absolutely no relevance to any TC curriculum calendar or Everyday Mathematics Teacher’s Guide I’d ever been handed, was totally awesome. And, compared to the test prep unit, perhaps slightly closer to what Freire intends in his utopian educative dream… rather than force-feeding the kids “steps” to solving particular math problems, or shoving the prime numbers song (musical masterpiece or not) down their throats, I was simply creating conditions in which they could learn.. nudging them to become aware of new possibilities… hey kids, look what you can do with a piece of string!
And they were off… teaching each other, learning from each other, and inventing their own variations. All 28 kids totally absorbed in the joy and wonder of discovering something they never before knew how to do.
Who knew Cat’s Cradle is the answer to all of public education’s shortcomings…
I’ve been weed-whacking my way through Freire’s Pedagogy of Freedom bit by bit. It occurred to me that the impromptu Cat’s Cradle workshop, although it had absolutely no relevance to any TC curriculum calendar or Everyday Mathematics Teacher’s Guide I’d ever been handed, was totally awesome. And, compared to the test prep unit, perhaps slightly closer to what Freire intends in his utopian educative dream… rather than force-feeding the kids “steps” to solving particular math problems, or shoving the prime numbers song (musical masterpiece or not) down their throats, I was simply creating conditions in which they could learn.. nudging them to become aware of new possibilities… hey kids, look what you can do with a piece of string!
And they were off… teaching each other, learning from each other, and inventing their own variations. All 28 kids totally absorbed in the joy and wonder of discovering something they never before knew how to do.
Who knew Cat’s Cradle is the answer to all of public education’s shortcomings…
bike wheel
Yep, it’s that time of year. We are frazzled and fizzling. Hot weather makes us lazy and recalcitrant. Nearing the ends of our wicks at the bottom of the candle, the promise of summer beckons seductively from eight short infinite weeks away.
I can feel that things are changing. Jafa’s foster baby could be here by the end of the month. Next year Corky, my bedrock-keystone, is leaning toward some other adventure in some other part of the world – really far away! like Cambodia or Tanzania. Soon the much-anticipated Organization Sheet will appear in our mailboxes, sealing our fates for the next school year. I feel the cycle taking its turn.
I’m trying to be okay with change. Corky had a great poem at her grassroots Inner Resilience that she started at her house, about enduring change like a tree – losing your leaves gracefully, knowing that they will return; bending with the wind, letting it shape you, but remaining your true self, standing tall, uncompromised.
A similar, somewhat less bucolic analogy occurred to me today in the form of my bike. My bike which I discovered this afternoon as I left school, chained to the signpost where I had left it that morning as usual, only missing one important piece: the front wheel.
This bike I have had for a long time now, since I was fourteen or so, and like anyone, it might be just a bit worse for the wear. Left it out in the rain and the chain rusted up a bit. Gear-shift not what it used to be. Paint is tarnished and scratched in spots… I’m not trying to imply that I, or my bike, is a decrepit old hag, but no one gets through all those miles without some wear and tear.
But anyway, this bike, my bike, the bike of me… it’s comfortable, it works well. It has gained and lost various acoutrements across time, but it is still the same, reliable old bike. The chain can be greased, the wheel replaced, with a little love and tenderness it will, hopefully, continue to serve well for a long time.
So that’s kind of what I’m relying on. That the sameness of me will carry on throughout the changes. I just know that every year of teaching is a whole different universe, and I’ve really liked this universe. This universe, despite everything, has been the best year yet. I’d say I wish it could stay the same except I know I really don’t because even if you could keep your life always the same, the rest of the world inevitably goes on without you, and then your life changes by virtue of trying to keep it un-changed…
And the last two days, since on Testing Days there’s not really so much teaching to prepare for, I have managed to leave school the earliest ever, and it’s been glorious! Going to the gym, time for groceries and laundry and mid-week errands, drinks with a friend, warming a chair in my newly opened neighborhood coffee shop…
I can begin to anticipate what it will be like next year, working for the first time ever without the burden of grad school heavy at my back… imagine! What WON’T I have time for??!! Volleyball and NYCORE and triathlon training and gosh, maybe resurrect my social life?
Can't wait.
I can feel that things are changing. Jafa’s foster baby could be here by the end of the month. Next year Corky, my bedrock-keystone, is leaning toward some other adventure in some other part of the world – really far away! like Cambodia or Tanzania. Soon the much-anticipated Organization Sheet will appear in our mailboxes, sealing our fates for the next school year. I feel the cycle taking its turn.
I’m trying to be okay with change. Corky had a great poem at her grassroots Inner Resilience that she started at her house, about enduring change like a tree – losing your leaves gracefully, knowing that they will return; bending with the wind, letting it shape you, but remaining your true self, standing tall, uncompromised.
A similar, somewhat less bucolic analogy occurred to me today in the form of my bike. My bike which I discovered this afternoon as I left school, chained to the signpost where I had left it that morning as usual, only missing one important piece: the front wheel.
This bike I have had for a long time now, since I was fourteen or so, and like anyone, it might be just a bit worse for the wear. Left it out in the rain and the chain rusted up a bit. Gear-shift not what it used to be. Paint is tarnished and scratched in spots… I’m not trying to imply that I, or my bike, is a decrepit old hag, but no one gets through all those miles without some wear and tear.
But anyway, this bike, my bike, the bike of me… it’s comfortable, it works well. It has gained and lost various acoutrements across time, but it is still the same, reliable old bike. The chain can be greased, the wheel replaced, with a little love and tenderness it will, hopefully, continue to serve well for a long time.
So that’s kind of what I’m relying on. That the sameness of me will carry on throughout the changes. I just know that every year of teaching is a whole different universe, and I’ve really liked this universe. This universe, despite everything, has been the best year yet. I’d say I wish it could stay the same except I know I really don’t because even if you could keep your life always the same, the rest of the world inevitably goes on without you, and then your life changes by virtue of trying to keep it un-changed…
And the last two days, since on Testing Days there’s not really so much teaching to prepare for, I have managed to leave school the earliest ever, and it’s been glorious! Going to the gym, time for groceries and laundry and mid-week errands, drinks with a friend, warming a chair in my newly opened neighborhood coffee shop…
I can begin to anticipate what it will be like next year, working for the first time ever without the burden of grad school heavy at my back… imagine! What WON’T I have time for??!! Volleyball and NYCORE and triathlon training and gosh, maybe resurrect my social life?
Can't wait.
A momentous day for me... I have been MIA for the last week or so because a) I have been immersed in my the completion of my thesis and b) my computer broke such that I have not been able to access the internet for a week...
But here's the skinny. Today I:
1) Finished my thesisssssssss! wooooooo!
2) Bought a new computerr!!!! wooooooo!
Here are my updates from this week.
But here's the skinny. Today I:
1) Finished my thesisssssssss! wooooooo!
2) Bought a new computerr!!!! wooooooo!
Here are my updates from this week.
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