A three-hour tour (three hour tour)

Today is the day of the fifth grade cruise... Yesterday the kids were buzzing with excitement, to the tune of not settling down for more than eight seconds at a time.

I have misgivings about the cruise, namely that I think it's a bit presumptuous to ask a community like ours to spend $40 on a luxury like a 3-hour boat ride. But Sh-- was walking around yesterday telling everyone what a 'milestone' it was going to be... they amaze me sometimes... milestone? where'd he get that word?

Milestone or not, it does mark the fact that the end of the school year is fast approaching and my class, my kids, all the intrigue and drama will evaporate before I know it like a long and very involved dream.

Part of me cannot wait to banish them from my psyche and to say so long, kiddos, go bug somebody else for a while. Part of me is DONE, boiled like a twenty minute egg in counting.

But part of me grieves the inevitable loss. They grow on you like a tumor, you know? Part of me feels so protective of them, like I would defend them to my last breath, even the ones who never seem to listen or who are completely oblivious and never know what's going on. Maybe especially them, they're the ones who are most likely to need defense. Part of me dreads letting them out of the careful homeostasis maintained within my four walls, to let them out into that big uncertain world where anything can happen. Exiting elementary school means exiting the bubble - no more safe zone, no more bumper lane. This group of kids have changed me like no other. Letting go of them will mean letting go of a part of myself.