finding happiness in a six-foot sub

Of the things I have learned this year, one is that exercise makes me a more productive person... I realize that, somehow, in some way I don't fully understand, if I can make to to the gym or the track first thing in the morning, or if I go on my way home from school before I do anything else, I can accomplish all sorts of important things afterwards that guaranteed would have been pushed under the rug and procrastinated away if I hadn't gone... Good job, me! Perhaps there is hope of becoming a functional human being after all...

I am very excited and happy about my Summer Potluck Picnic/BBQ this weekend. I just ordered a six-foot sub and bought five cases of beer, and this makes me very happy. I am excited to make use of the backyard! I'm excited to prove to myself that, if you think of ways to make yourself happier, and then take steps towards making those things happen, you actually *get* happier!

Exhibit A: my apartment with lovely roommates and natural light and a backyard for barbecuing in a neighborhood where friends are easy to access. (Compare to sad, lonely apartment of last year)

Exhibit B: Fifth grade is awesome. (Compare to grueling hardship of first grade.)

Exhibit C: My new computer is awesome. (Certain happinesses can be bought, especially when they replace frustration and low-grade but persistent rage, as induced by my ancient crazy-making PC)

Exhibit D: Visiting Corky next summer, ALL summer, wherever she ends up, will help me to miss her less.

Score point? Personal happiness: plus four. Anxiety trepidation and doubt: plus zero.

You hear that, life!? I'ma figure you out one of these days!

My smart Twister (twin sister) taught me about the arrival fallacy.

You will never arrive. The destination is a mirage. This, right now, is all you get. Distant Eden will not appear around the corner if you strive harder or wish for it more. Your surroundings will never transform suddenly of their own accord into some sort of utopian dream. No matter what you do to them, even if you are very very patient. The transformation happens from within...

That's what they mean when they say happiness is a choice. You can decide to see the good around you, to appreciate whatever there is to appreciate and just love the bejeezus out of everything you can possibly find to love. Or you can live a life with less love and less good and less light in it. Those are the only choices you get - Believe in the good and let it in. Or refuse to see it and do without.

These musings were inspired by the letter I got from Escape, the "grassroots" Inner Resilience founded by Corky that she holds at her apartment with all the essential elements, plus wine!

We did an exercise where you write about a person or other entity in your life, and you think about what you have received from them (or it), what you have given to them (or it), and what difficulties or troubles you are having with it or them.

It turns out, Corky and I both wrote about each other. Both of us thought we received much more in our relationship than we gave. Which I guess is how you know a friendship is really strong... kind of like synergy, though I know everyone hates the word... we are complements to each other, and simply by being who we are in each other's presence, we make each other better people.

Not a bad deal. Pretty special. in fact.