The day before the first day of school.

Something I realized, or perhaps reconfirmed, from the reunion-like wedding I attended this weekend, is that people never stay the same, and yet they never really change.

The same is true of my commute this morning - a construction project here, a new storefront there, a fresh coat of smooth black pavement on Roosevelt Avenue... but mostly it was just very familiar: The sun in my eyes as I crossed the Greenpoint Avenue bridge, the bouncing through potholes on my aged bike, the restless intrusion of the of the 7 train clattering hurriedly above my head. And the parade of smells, city smells, smells you don't get from inside a car... the early morning cloying sweetness that drifts around the spice factory, like sticking your head in with the cookies in the oven; earthy produce from the corner stores; fresh coffee bakery smell; rancid garbage juice from the back of the garbage truck; spicy tamales from the re-purposed grocery-cum-tamale-cart; bus exhaust; a whiff of after-shave from the early shift waiting at the bus stop.

And back at school, the same cast of characters awaits, almost the same, yet not totally unchanged. Trixie, our vivacious payroll secretary, always ready with a smile and a vibrant animal print outfit... the cluster of ancient tenured "cluster teachers" populating the plush sofas of teachers' lounge...Good old Principal Peeves, talking up a snooze-worthy storm at the faculty conference about standards and percentage point improvements and test scores and data graphs... MoLo, my favorite administrator, who came trotting down the hallway calling after me the first time she spotted me this year and embraced me warmly and gushed about how excited she was about the school year... Ronnie, the literacy coach, dressed all in purple with purple eyeshadow and purple accessories as always, in accordance with her long-standing purple fetish...

All of these characters, more or less just as I left them two months ago. Of course, with the significant absence of Corky, plus the new addition of Sunny, Corky's replacement, whose credentials and capabilities I am more and more impressed with every day.

There are also some noticeable positive changes at school. The playgrounds are (finally) finished and their completion has transformed what was the pathetically barren tumbleweed asphalt schoolyard wasteland into a real playground, like for real children! With a gazebo, a jungle gym, brightly colored maps and patterns painted on the ground, vegetation, pachysandra, even a bike rack, and a coat of paint that makes the tall fence seem decidedly less prison-like. Plus the air conditioners are working again (for those of us lucky enough to have them) for the first time probably since February or so. And the best, most positive change? Drumroll please.........

RECESS!

One period per week per class... but still. Way way way more than nothing.

At the end of the year we do "focus groups" and Rosie and I spent some time making sure that our suggestions were fairly and adequately represented... and you know what? They listened. They listened! They ordered an extra book that we had asked for. They incorporated grammar instruction into the curriculum. They got us some recess. They are getting teachers (including yours truly!) involved in leading Professional Development... if they keep making changes like this, they're going to end up making me want to stay at this school, or in teaching!

And you know what I think is the most significant difference? The change I notice in myself! Somehow, surprisingly, shockingly, I don't feel nervous, really at all. Excited, sure. But not panicked. And today was busy, of course, but not frantic. And what I really really enjoyed was helping Sunny and Henrietta get their classrooms ready for the first time, and trying to walk them through the first day because this time, I actually know what that first day will look like and feel like! It feels great not to be the most clueless person on the floor anymore, to have at least some of the answers and be able to share them, to offer my opinion and have it be listened to. What a great feeling! And to know what MUST be done for tomorrow, and what can continue to wait and be done on one of the other 179 days of school, or which things might end up being pipe dreams, or which things I should just wait and see about...

Now the other big change will be training myself to go to sleep on time and wake up early. But again, without grad school in the picture... just doesn't seem that hard! None of it, as impossible as it once was, seems quite so out of reach.